Fluctuation Does Not Equal Stagnation

Several years ago, my family had some chaotic changes in our lives. During the time we were trying to cope with the changes and find our way back to stable ground, I put everything in my life on hold - participating at events, my metaphysical studies, even myspiritual practice. I felt so lost. I put my head down and tried to power through the chaos. This didn't help. By the time we found that stable ground again, I felt so far from where I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It took me quite some time to find a sense of balance. Since that time, I have grown a lot. I have finally found a sense of peace in my spiritual practice since I finally found my direction.

Yet, as life always does, changes have again found us. I began to enter that space where I was putting everything on hold. This time, I felt a deep sense of dissatisfaction with the thought and feeling of completely halting all the things I have begun to find peaceful, comforting, and guiding. This is what brought me to the title of this article 'fluctuation does not equal stagnation.' Just because we are entering another phase of change for us, that does not mean that I can not continue with my practices while we are handling these changes. In fact, my new spiritual practice has become a source of peace and grounding for me. It has also helped me to cope with the challenges of caring for an aging parent in all of this other chaos.

While you may also be facing changes, you too can choose to hold on to the things that bring you peace, comfort, and strength. Sometimes those changes can shake us to our very core. It is at these times especially that we need to remember and maintain the positive practices that have helped us feel grounded. Remembering that change, while unavoidable, is also temporary. You will also find your way back to stable ground. You will appreciate that much more that you have not put everything on hold during the chaos because those important practices are what help get you through.

Can You See The Possibilities?

Spring is a time of renewal. We all look forward to Old man Winter finally laying down for his nap until it is time to wake up again. There is the happy anticipation of tulips, daffodils and crocuses peeking through the thawing soil to lift their faces to the sun. The air is getting warmer and we are ready to put those winter coats in the back of the closet again. 

With the thought of Spring comes possibilities. The possibility of planting that garden this year, of making time to take a vacation be it mini or extended, or the possibility that

this is the time that I will make that bold step on to my path and go! When you look forward at this time of awakening, do you still see the possibilities? Do you see where the next bend in the road could lead you if you have the faith and the courage to do what you feel so deeply inside? Or have you allowed “the crowd,” those naysayers, balloon poppers, and can’t do it collectors to put you where you always seem to be…stuck right here, right now.

The things you are passionate about are the things you are meant to pursue! So if you want to refinish furniture in your garage and take it to a craft fair or flea market and sell it just for the sheer joy of loving to do that, then do it! Oh, but wait, your friend tells you it will never work, no one wants to buy this stuff, and besides you aren’t really that good at it anyway. Sssssssss… hear that? It’s the sound of all the air leaking out of your wonderful balloon idea because you now have this voice in your head making you doubt what you are passionate about. So you sit around and over think every little thing your friend said. Maybe no one does want this stuff. Maybe I really am not good enough to actually sell this stuff even if I did get it done. And you know, she’s right, I’m not good with this kind of stuff anyway. So there you are… stuck. Hey wait, there’s your phone. Oh, it’s that friend texting to see if you want to do something.

Every now and then, we really need to assess the people with whom we have surrounded ourselves. Take a hard and honest look at the relationships in your life. Are you the friend who is always there for them, lifting them up and making them feel better, but when you need someone, they are all too busy? Do you give and give and give with no expectation of anything in return, yet when you have a thought, an idea, a passion, it gets trampled to the dirt? Do you collapse on your couch at the end of the day after doing everything for everyone else and for a moment just wish you had time to do something you want to do? It’s reassessment time.

I know, I know, but how can I possibly NOT be there for them, they need me. Yes, they likely do need you to run their lives because they refuse to take responsibility for their own life. But here’s the kicker, YOU are not responsible for their lives! They are grown people. Yes, we all have some degree of dysfunction in our lives that we are still dealing with from our childhoods or past relationships. However, this does not give any of us a pass to become a person who lays all of their stuff on someone else so we don’t have to deal with it. If your friend has a hard time interacting with people, it is not your job as her friend to take over that portion of her life. She needs to take care of it on her own. None of us like to feel that we are enablers, but sometimes through being raised as a people pleaser and being guilted about HAVING to be the caregiver to people who refuse to take care of themselves, there we sit.

So the message this Spring is to look at making some hard decisions. We all need time for ourselves to do the things we enjoy. That does not always mean we have to do them alone. However, it does mean that we need to really look at all the balloon poppers in our lives and examine what their motivation is to keep us stuck. Perhaps they fear being left behind once you take that step and keep moving forward. Perhaps they feel they will be replaced by someone else if you have interests outside of what you share with them. Whatever their issues are, they are not yours to fix. Are you ready to see the possibilities and embrace them? Or are you happy being stuck? The choice really is yours.

Your Thoughts, Your Life

As the winter months approach, perhaps this is a good time to begin that journey within to discover who you truly are and what you want from life.   Do you want to stay on the hamster wheel of indecision and in action or do you choose to fling open that cage door and embrace your life’s purpose and run with it? Should you encounter rejection, please to not allow it to turn you from your new path.  Instead, use those stones that the misunderstood have thrown at you in judgment or rejection and use them to build your new path.

In order for you to find your way out of that rut, you need to be willing to not only think outside that box, but act outside that box.  For most of us, it is easy to say we will change something.  However, to actually take that first step or put your pinky toe in the water and give it a try takes great courage.  We find ourselves obsessed with whether those closest to us will judge us.  Not only judge us, but judge us unfavorably as weird, crazy or (gasp) not normal.  

How often do you find yourself sitting with your thoughts of “If I could only…,” “When ‘this’ happens, I will…,” or “If only I was as good as ‘this person,’ I would…”?  Yet should one of those scenarios you put up as an obstacle actual clear your path to what you would do, what do you do?  Most likely nothing because in your mind you never thought you would have to face it.  So you return to your idle “if-then” spinning and make more excuses for why you can’t move forward with that thought, idea, ambition.

If you stop and think about it, none of us are normal.  We all have our own unique viewpoints, our own idiosyncrasies, and our own particular habits.  It’s hard to step out from behind the masks that we wear for all the different people in our lives.  We are the wife, the mother, the sister, the best friend, the daughter.  But all those roles lead us little room to let our true selves and true thoughts come to light. 

In order to allow our thoughts to flow freely and to claim the people we know we are inside, we need to take a deep breath and learn to be comfortable with our true selves.  Criticism is never easy, especially criticism of the deep parts of our selves when we choose to share them with others.  However, this growth process will certainly show you who your true friends are and who you may choose to cut out of your life.