Walking Away with Clarity

Sometimes you are placed into the same situation over and over and over.  You feel all the same emotions and begin to take yourself down roads of hope that are nothing but dead ends.  You haven’t figured this out yet.  You keep reaching for that hope with both hands and trying to believe that this time it isn’t just smoke.  Then suddenly, the next time you are thrust into this situation, you start walking that road of hope until the sun breaks through and there is perfect clarity.  I will never belong to this group or these people.  That stung, I have to admit.  However, having the clarity that this is not my place and these are not my people was empowering.  I knew then that I could put them in the rear view mirror and wish them well.  I knew that it was not only okay to walk away, but it was also necessary.

Your soul medicine is not meant for everyone.  You can’t MAKE people heal.  You can’t MAKE people responsible.  You can’t get them to understand you because they can only understand from where they are in their own journey and healing.  Sometimes, they prefer to live the delusion while

trying to keep you tied in to their turmoil.  It is at times like these that we MUST put our own emotional well-being, sanity, and peace before everything and everyone else.  Please do not let whatever guilt you may have from being raised a people pleaser or continually striving to save people allow you to put your fingers in your ears and ignore this important message.  The message IS important because you have been experiencing it time and time again.  Let this be the time that you embrace it!

Choose whatever cliché or mantra suits you… It is time to cut the cords that tie you to people who continually treat you poorly.  Remember – what you allow is what will continue.  It is time to burn the bridge so the crazies don’t follow you.  Well, I am proudly a crazy person.  However, my craziness does not extend to trying to destroy other people and their lives.  These people need to stay on the bridge while it burns or on the other side of the gully.  And once that bridge is burned, please do not toss a rope to those on the other side because the pattern will just continue.  When God closes a door, he opens a window.  Well, sometimes we need to nail that door shut to keep us from opening it back up and perpetuating these patterns that are so damaging to our minds, hearts, and souls.  We can CHOOSE to walk away!

In a recent healing circle, my Reiki Master reminded us that we already have what we need inside of us to succeed!  We have the tools, the knowledge, and the courage to take that step off the well-worn road and take a path not traveled.  We need to REMEMBER that we are brave, that we are strong, that we are permitted to have a life that does not revolve around taking care of everyone else.  Most importantly, we have the ability to choose to walk away from those dead-end roads that are not filled with hope and promise, but instead lead to unkempt lanes filled with tangled relationships, half-hearted attempts, and let downs.  Ultimately, we are the map makers of our lives.  We may choose to travel alone, but that does not mean we must be lonely.  Others may join us on our path from time to time.  Some may travel with us for a lifetime.  However, your path and your choices are yours and yours only.  So look up into that dazzling sun, kick the dust from your shoes, and choose your next adventure!

Word Meanings ~ Closed vs. Closure

When we think of something being closed, we often feel a sense of loss.  Something that is closed, by simple definition is no longer open.  We no longer have access to a closed room. We no longer feel fresh air if a window is closed.  We can no longer engage with someone if a relationship has closed or ended.

When we think of closure, we often look for a sense of resolution.  When we achieve closure,
we come to a conclusion, mostly one that we can live with.  Sometimes, closure can relate to something that closes or seals something (we sealed the deal).  It can also mean something important to someone looking for resolution of an emotional or traumatic experience.

In this post, I am referring to a relationship that meant a great deal to me.  Things went awry and dishonesty was a big part of it falling apart. I once read a quote that in paraphrase says, "Trust is like a mirror.  Once it is shattered, you can put the pieces back together, but it will never look the same again."  I tried to work with her and rebuild the trust, but it never felt the same for me.  I have battled back and forth with myself about whether I should close that door or keep it open.  I have recently come to realize that I will not find closure in this situation, so I need to take my own advice that I give to my clients. (This tends to be a difficult thing for spirit workers.)  It is time to stop ripping off the scab and close the door.

It is important for us to learn that we can not depend on the other person to give us what we need to find the closure we are seeking.  We need to remember that by waiting for an answer from that person, waiting for an apology, or wishing they would tell you the all important "why," that we are placing the writing of our story in their hands.  Doing this only stalls our own ability to move past the situation and continue our own growth.

We also need to realize that we must be the ones to close that door.  The other person is certainly not going to do that especially when they give a lot of reasons and excuses about why their behavior is justified.  They also may not see any problem with their actions and can not understand why you are so affected by it.  You deserve better of the people in your

life who care about you and give you actions to back it up.  You should find a way to firmly and completely close that door and not reopen it.  Reopening the door is like ripping off the scab as we talked about earlier.  If necessary, get a hammer and nails and nail that door shut!

Please remember that no one will value you or treat you according to your worth unless you show them how it's done.  A great way to do that is to show people that you will not tolerate people in your life who treat you less than you deserve in any way.  To my own mind, I would rather be alone that be surrounded by people who claim to be my friends, but don't act as a friend would in any way.  We are emotional creatures and we want to feel that we are loved, cared for, and valued.  When you begin to feel that the people in your life are not treating you accordingly, it is time to gather your courage, face their fire bravely and confidently, and move on.  You will be much better for it.