Thoughtful Tuesday - Change

 Thoughtful Tuesday ~ Change

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” —Rumi

Change. That word can be emotionally charged, mentally draining, or hopefully optimistic.  Our view of that word depends on our circumstances, background, and where we are in our personal healing journey. Most people desire to effect change, in themselves, in their environments, or in the people around them. I have been guility of the thought that if I can just get through to this person in just the right way, they will "get" what I am trying to show them and change their behavior.  It took me a very long time to learn that not everyone wants to be saved.

What does it mean when not everyone wants to be saved? Most of us have a sense of wanting to help someone whether they are in distress or in a difficult life circumstance. However, there are people who thrive on being in distress or seem to be unable to get

their circumstances together to be able to move past the difficulties they seem to constantly face. We keep trying to get them to understand their own patterns or to guide them to help themselves. Eventually, we get to the point where we just feel like we are banging our heads against a wall because nothing is changing with these people. A lot of the time, we don't recognize their refusal to make even a small positive change to help themselves because we are so busy feeling guilty for our own fortunate circumstances that we just can't abandon these people to their own destructive patterns. 

This is where the 'not everyone wants to be saved' message turned on a huge lightbulb in my head. No matter how much or how hard I try in the myriad of ways to help them "get it," they are just unwilling to take responsibility for their own choices and patterns. This helped me to understand that I am not abandoning them, they are making their own choices and I cannot change that or them.  They have to WANT their circumstances to get better and choose to make the changes themselves. Their world is their responsibility, not my responsibility on any level. This insight helped me to understand that I have nothing to feel guilty about. 

So as Rumi said, I am wise, so I am changing myself. Changing yourself can look like taking a step back in that relationship (romantic, friendship, co-worker) and choosing to put my own mental and emotional well-being first instead of continuing to be that person's captive audience for their daily drama when they refuse to change anything about it. It can look like doing your own internal work on the next step in your own journey through meditation or another practice that helps you find focus and inner peace. It can look like working on disconnecting from and setting boundaries for people and circumstances that disturb your own inner peace. You have the choice. Use it wisely.

New Year, New You, New Point of View

How many times have we made this solemn promise? This year... fill in the new habit we will embrace, the old, limiting thoughts we will finally let go, the new fad/challenge/gimmick we will master.  I don't know about you, but it gets exhausting! Then there is the inevitable deflation of our well thought reserves when we eventually, through intentional or unintentional means, abandon this year's shiny new goal for ordinary existence.  Maybe we didn't have time to commit to such a lofty goal and we will try again next year.  Maybe life just happened, and we forgot all about it in the day-to-day management of work, family, life. Oh well, there is always next year.  We subject ourselves to this year in and year out.  I have personally come to realize that starting a brand new year with another failed attempt is just ridiculous. I don't want my New Year to start of with feelings of failure and rejection. 

So, this year, my goal is set kinder, gentler plans for myself.  A resolution, when broken or forgotten, feels like a heavy loss. It points a finger at us and says 'you didn't have the wherewithal to see this through. So, my

new philosophy of plans gives me some flexibility. I can set them down for a time and pick up where I left off.  I can change them if I find that my original design is lacking or has changed with the execution. Plans give me breathing room instead of suffocating rigidness. So, with my new philosophy, I set out to determine what plans I need and more importantly want in my world at present keeping in mind that they should have flexibility. 

One of my favorite sayings is, "You can't pour from and empty vessel." It took me a long time to actually put this into practice.  Up until several years ago, I was so invested in 'my hustle' that I didn't know what a weekend off looked like.  I have a full-time job and do various events on the weekends to help people. I booked every show on every weekend I possibly could, until I had a complete meltdown.  I pushed, hammered, and shoved so hard that eventually my mental health had to pull the

proverbial fire alarm to get me to sit down and listen.  I never even noticed that I had no energy and no focus.  I just kept pushing. Part of that is due to how I grew up. There was never time for myself, and certainly no time to put myself first, so I never learned how to listen to my own body and mind queues that something was about to give, and it would probably be me. Once I forced myself to slow down to recover from this (and it was a struggle), I learned a valuable lesson.  I MUST take time off EVERY month for my own health and well-being.  What that time off looks like can vary, it can be staying home with my hubby and playing games, it can be going to nature to rest and rejuvenate, it can be going to a concert.  It is whatever I need my time to be to best take care of myself.  There are a lot of sayings out there about self-care being a priority and you have to put yourself first. Those are pretty words to someone who never learned how and especially to someone who can't say no to other people.  Yet, for our own well-being, we MUST be our own strong advocates because no one else can do it for us. NO ONE.

Practice an Attitude of Gratitude. I know we have all been around negative people at one time or another.  Some of us may even share a workspace with negative people. For these folks, nothing can ever be right. Their daily rants range from the bus was late, my coffee order is wrong, my phone won't stop raining, why are our clients so needy, etc., etc., etc. One thing we can all likely agree on is that we don't enjoy being around these people whether for short or long durations. They can bring

our moods down in seconds flat. I once had a mentor tell me that what you think and what you say are what you create in the universe.  This serves as a reminder to be mindful of what you are thinking and saying because the Universe is always listening and is ready to give you more of what you think and say. For example, should your thoughts and words revolve around constantly being tired of being broke, the Universe will give you more of being broke. If your thoughts and words revolve around being lonely, the Universe will give you more loneliness. We are the creators of our reality, if we want to change our situation, we must change our narrative. Instead of being broke, perhaps we can change the narrative to, "I am financially stable and have all I need to pay my bills with some leftover for fun." Instead of being lonely, perhaps we can change our narrative to, "I attract likeminded, compassionate people into my life." See the difference? Psychology Today tells us, " Cultivating gratitude is about the simple act of focusing daily on what you’re grateful for, which can have a tremendously positive psychological impact." We can use this practice to say something like, I may have missed the bus, but at least the sun is shining. The whole concept is about turning the negative into positive. This will take practice, but once you catch yourself in a negative mindset and intentionally change it to positive, it will become habit and every day will begin to improve. 

Starting the New Year with one or more new plans can give us something to look forward to during the year. Should you need to set your plans down for a bit because there is just too much going on, give yourself a visual reminder of them. Even if you can't practice them or work on them, you can give them at least a thought during the day to keep it in your mind that you want to get back to them. Print up a sign with your plans and some phrases to help keep them with you. Write them on your bathroom mirror so you can see them every day. Set an alarm on your phone with a reminder every day to keep them with you. When you are ready, pick them back up and give them some dedicated time to remember where you are with your plans and what you want to do next. Having to step away from your plans does not make you a failure, so please don't put that thought in your head. This is a form of self-care where other things are at the forefront, but your plans will be your focus once you get through this current rough patch.  Guilt has no part to play here either. Some of us were raised to feel guilty for putting things we want to do first. We must be the ones to take back our power and proclaim that WE are what is important right here, right now and no one gets to tell us otherwise. 

Walking Away with Clarity

Sometimes you are placed into the same situation over and over and over.  You feel all the same emotions and begin to take yourself down roads of hope that are nothing but dead ends.  You haven’t figured this out yet.  You keep reaching for that hope with both hands and trying to believe that this time it isn’t just smoke.  Then suddenly, the next time you are thrust into this situation, you start walking that road of hope until the sun breaks through and there is perfect clarity.  I will never belong to this group or these people.  That stung, I have to admit.  However, having the clarity that this is not my place and these are not my people was empowering.  I knew then that I could put them in the rear view mirror and wish them well.  I knew that it was not only okay to walk away, but it was also necessary.

Your soul medicine is not meant for everyone.  You can’t MAKE people heal.  You can’t MAKE people responsible.  You can’t get them to understand you because they can only understand from where they are in their own journey and healing.  Sometimes, they prefer to live the delusion while

trying to keep you tied in to their turmoil.  It is at times like these that we MUST put our own emotional well-being, sanity, and peace before everything and everyone else.  Please do not let whatever guilt you may have from being raised a people pleaser or continually striving to save people allow you to put your fingers in your ears and ignore this important message.  The message IS important because you have been experiencing it time and time again.  Let this be the time that you embrace it!

Choose whatever cliché or mantra suits you… It is time to cut the cords that tie you to people who continually treat you poorly.  Remember – what you allow is what will continue.  It is time to burn the bridge so the crazies don’t follow you.  Well, I am proudly a crazy person.  However, my craziness does not extend to trying to destroy other people and their lives.  These people need to stay on the bridge while it burns or on the other side of the gully.  And once that bridge is burned, please do not toss a rope to those on the other side because the pattern will just continue.  When God closes a door, he opens a window.  Well, sometimes we need to nail that door shut to keep us from opening it back up and perpetuating these patterns that are so damaging to our minds, hearts, and souls.  We can CHOOSE to walk away!

In a recent healing circle, my Reiki Master reminded us that we already have what we need inside of us to succeed!  We have the tools, the knowledge, and the courage to take that step off the well-worn road and take a path not traveled.  We need to REMEMBER that we are brave, that we are strong, that we are permitted to have a life that does not revolve around taking care of everyone else.  Most importantly, we have the ability to choose to walk away from those dead-end roads that are not filled with hope and promise, but instead lead to unkempt lanes filled with tangled relationships, half-hearted attempts, and let downs.  Ultimately, we are the map makers of our lives.  We may choose to travel alone, but that does not mean we must be lonely.  Others may join us on our path from time to time.  Some may travel with us for a lifetime.  However, your path and your choices are yours and yours only.  So look up into that dazzling sun, kick the dust from your shoes, and choose your next adventure!

Fluctuation Does Not Equal Stagnation

Several years ago, my family had some chaotic changes in our lives. During the time we were trying to cope with the changes and find our way back to stable ground, I put everything in my life on hold - participating at events, my metaphysical studies, even myspiritual practice. I felt so lost. I put my head down and tried to power through the chaos. This didn't help. By the time we found that stable ground again, I felt so far from where I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It took me quite some time to find a sense of balance. Since that time, I have grown a lot. I have finally found a sense of peace in my spiritual practice since I finally found my direction.

Yet, as life always does, changes have again found us. I began to enter that space where I was putting everything on hold. This time, I felt a deep sense of dissatisfaction with the thought and feeling of completely halting all the things I have begun to find peaceful, comforting, and guiding. This is what brought me to the title of this article 'fluctuation does not equal stagnation.' Just because we are entering another phase of change for us, that does not mean that I can not continue with my practices while we are handling these changes. In fact, my new spiritual practice has become a source of peace and grounding for me. It has also helped me to cope with the challenges of caring for an aging parent in all of this other chaos.

While you may also be facing changes, you too can choose to hold on to the things that bring you peace, comfort, and strength. Sometimes those changes can shake us to our very core. It is at these times especially that we need to remember and maintain the positive practices that have helped us feel grounded. Remembering that change, while unavoidable, is also temporary. You will also find your way back to stable ground. You will appreciate that much more that you have not put everything on hold during the chaos because those important practices are what help get you through.

Seasons Change

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year.  From the crispness of the air to all the wonderful smells of apples, hay, and fires at dusk, I drink in all of those things!  I also love the riot of color in the trees!  At this time, as most of us, I start to feel homey and prepare for the coming winter.  It's also a time that the house is filled with the smells of baking bread or chili and soup simmering on the stove.  Mmmm.

Yet this season also brings a time of reflection. Over this past year, what have I done with my time, my talents, and my abilities?  Have I been a blessing to those people who have spent time in my little corner of the world?  Have I grown or refused to take the steps necessary to make a better version of me?  In this past year, I can say that I have braved the challenges of change.  I feel I have finally made some permanent changes in my ability to make and keep my boundaries.  While some may feel that boundaries are not something they need or even maintain, I find that it is a necessity for me.  This is a big deal for someone who has grown up without boundaries and still encounter people who do not understand them.

Another change that I have embraced is pursuing my passion of helping those through giving readings.  I have bravely stepped out into the world and have found some amazing places to share my abilities.  I am genuinely blessed to have been welcomed with open hearts by some very amazing people.  I certainly look forward to growing these relationships and learning from each of these wonderful teachers.  You see, each of us has a unique background filled with unique experiences and we each have knowledge and wisdom to share with those around us.

The lesson for me in the change of the season and the change of the leaves is that change is inevitable.  Summer changes to Fall, Fall to Winter and so on.  We can not stop the seasons any more than we can stop change.  In reflection I find that I am a very different person than I was at this time last year.  I have discovered some strengths.  I have worked on and conquered some weaknesses.  I am still working on some things that I want to change.  While change is an ever evolving process that doesn't mean that it has to be difficult.  If you can look at the challenge of change as a positive experience with a lesson or a new way of thinking or being at the other side, suddenly it becomes an adventure and not an obstacle.