Thoughtful Tuesday - Change

 Thoughtful Tuesday ~ Change

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” —Rumi

Change. That word can be emotionally charged, mentally draining, or hopefully optimistic.  Our view of that word depends on our circumstances, background, and where we are in our personal healing journey. Most people desire to effect change, in themselves, in their environments, or in the people around them. I have been guility of the thought that if I can just get through to this person in just the right way, they will "get" what I am trying to show them and change their behavior.  It took me a very long time to learn that not everyone wants to be saved.

What does it mean when not everyone wants to be saved? Most of us have a sense of wanting to help someone whether they are in distress or in a difficult life circumstance. However, there are people who thrive on being in distress or seem to be unable to get

their circumstances together to be able to move past the difficulties they seem to constantly face. We keep trying to get them to understand their own patterns or to guide them to help themselves. Eventually, we get to the point where we just feel like we are banging our heads against a wall because nothing is changing with these people. A lot of the time, we don't recognize their refusal to make even a small positive change to help themselves because we are so busy feeling guilty for our own fortunate circumstances that we just can't abandon these people to their own destructive patterns. 

This is where the 'not everyone wants to be saved' message turned on a huge lightbulb in my head. No matter how much or how hard I try in the myriad of ways to help them "get it," they are just unwilling to take responsibility for their own choices and patterns. This helped me to understand that I am not abandoning them, they are making their own choices and I cannot change that or them.  They have to WANT their circumstances to get better and choose to make the changes themselves. Their world is their responsibility, not my responsibility on any level. This insight helped me to understand that I have nothing to feel guilty about. 

So as Rumi said, I am wise, so I am changing myself. Changing yourself can look like taking a step back in that relationship (romantic, friendship, co-worker) and choosing to put my own mental and emotional well-being first instead of continuing to be that person's captive audience for their daily drama when they refuse to change anything about it. It can look like doing your own internal work on the next step in your own journey through meditation or another practice that helps you find focus and inner peace. It can look like working on disconnecting from and setting boundaries for people and circumstances that disturb your own inner peace. You have the choice. Use it wisely.