Sunday, February 2, 2020

You Don’t Measure Up. Who Cares?!?!

Pretty much since birth we have all been measured – length, weight, and where we place on the national average.  We didn’t have control over that.  Nor did we have control over all the
other measurements that happened in our childhood; our boy is smarter than little Johnny; our little girl is more creative than little Suzy; our boy needs to study harder because his grades are lower than the other 5% of the class…. And on and on and on.  This has instilled in us an unhealthy way of viewing ourselves and our own progress.  No matter what we are doing, we are constantly measuring ourselves against everyone else.  My co-worker is such a kiss up, that’s why they get more raises than I do.  I can’t believe I am this slow/low on my spiritual path.  Look at Mary, she is a Reiki Master and charges more than I could imagine for her services.  Look at James, he has 4,000 likes and 2k followers on his social media.  Why can’t I get that many?  Then starts the internal dialogue about how you are not good enough and can’t get anything right.  It’s exhausting!

This habit is best described by Pastor Steve Furtick, who once said, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”  I know I struggled with this habit when I first began to pursue development of my Psychic Medium abilities.  I know I didn’t have all the answers, so I found a group where I hoped I could learn and grow.  Yet within my first few meetings with the group, I began to feel very poorly about myself and my abilities.  I would look around at all the people who could give messages seemingly effortlessly, could speak coherently about Spirit and explain concepts to people who had questions and I would feel so inferior.  The internal dialogue ran along the lines of, “Who do I think I’m kidding? I could never do that.  Why do I think I could ever understand those ideas and be able to explain them?” and on and on.  I was tripping my own self up before I gave myself a chance to learn. 

Over the next ten years, I had many varying experiences with a lot of different people.  I learned and grew.  However, I also had pit falls, negative experiences, and a lot of self-doubt. The most important lessons I learned were on my own without anyone’s assistance, guidance, or teaching.  I had to learn to really listen to myself.  Having grown up a people-pleaser who was so used to putting other people first, I had to learn how to stop that behavior for my own peace and well-being.  One huge realization I came to was that I had no right to feel bad about myself by comparing myself to other people.  I do not know their background or their journey, nor have I been doing this type of work for as long as they have.  It really was okay to keep working on myself and my own path at my own pace.  I don’t need to prove anything to anyone other than myself.    I may not be as good as someone else, but I am better than the person I used to be having learned more and grown more personally.

While I do catch myself occasionally being self-critical of where I may be on my own journey because I have compared myself to someone else, I always remind myself that I shouldn’t compare my behind the scenes to their highlight reel.  Afterall, I don’t know what has gone on with them.  For all I know, they may be putting their best face forward at an event or to the world while their behind the scenes is complicated, just like mine is. So the best we can do for ourselves is to be kind to ourselves by being mindful that our path is our path alone and no one may walk it for us.  The best we can do for others is to not judge the proverbial book by its cover.  You never know what their rough draft looks like or how much of them it took to get it out in the public. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Walking Away with Clarity

Sometimes you are placed into the same situation over and over and over.  You feel all the same emotions and begin to take yourself down roads of hope that are nothing but dead ends.  You haven’t figured this out yet.  You keep reaching for that hope with both hands and trying to believe that this time it isn’t just smoke.  Then suddenly, the next time you are thrust into this situation, you start walking that road of hope until the sun breaks through and there is perfect clarity.  I will never belong to this group or these people.  That stung, I have to admit.  However, having the clarity that this is not my place and these are not my people was empowering.  I knew then that I could put them in the rear view mirror and wish them well.  I knew that it was not only okay to walk away, but it was also necessary.

Your soul medicine is not meant for everyone.  You can’t MAKE people heal.  You can’t MAKE people responsible.  You can’t get them to understand you because they can only understand from where they are in their own journey and healing.  Sometimes, they prefer to live the delusion while
trying to keep you tied in to their turmoil.  It is at times like these that we MUST put our own emotional well-being, sanity, and peace before everything and everyone else.  Please do not let whatever guilt you may have from being raised a people pleaser or continually striving to save people allow you to put your fingers in your ears and ignore this important message.  The message IS important because you have been experiencing it time and time again.  Let this be the time that you embrace it!

Choose whatever cliché or mantra suits you… It is time to cut the cords that tie you to people who continually treat you poorly.  Remember – what you allow is what will continue.  It is time to burn the bridge so the crazies don’t follow you.  Well, I am proudly a crazy person.  However, my craziness does not extend to trying to destroy other people and their lives.  These people need to stay on the bridge while it burns or on the other side of the gully.  And once that bridge is burned, please do not toss a rope to those on the other side because the pattern will just continue.  When God closes a door, he opens a window.  Well, sometimes we need to nail that door shut to keep us from opening it back up and perpetuating these patterns that are so damaging to our minds, hearts, and souls.  We can CHOOSE to walk away!

In a recent healing circle, my Reiki Master reminded us that we already have what we need inside of us to succeed!  We have the tools, the knowledge, and the courage to take that step off the well-worn road and take a path not traveled.  We need to REMEMBER that we are brave, that we are strong, that we are permitted to have a life that does not revolve around taking care of everyone else.  Most importantly, we have the ability to choose to walk away from those dead-end roads that are not filled with hope and promise, but instead lead to unkempt lanes filled with tangled relationships, half-hearted attempts, and let downs.  Ultimately, we are the map makers of our lives.  We may choose to travel alone, but that does not mean we must be lonely.  Others may join us on our path from time to time.  Some may travel with us for a lifetime.  However, your path and your choices are yours and yours only.  So look up into that dazzling sun, kick the dust from your shoes, and choose your next adventure!

Friday, December 29, 2017

2017 Year in Review

This year has shown me so many amazing things. I am grateful for the people who have encouraged, supported, and helped me beyond words. These are the gems who light the darkness when I can't find my way. Each new experience has taught me humbleness, gratitude, patience, and grace. 

Thank you to each of you who have shared my path for a moment, a season, or many moons. I appreciate your lessons, your support, and most importantly your love. I wish each of you a bright, healthy, and prosperous New Year. May we each continue to bless and encourage those around us and be the light in the darkness. Blessed be!

Monday, September 26, 2016

Word Meanings ~ Closed vs. Closure

When we think of something being closed, we often feel a sense of loss.  Something that is closed, by simple definition is no longer open.  We no longer have access to a closed room. We no longer feel fresh air if a window is closed.  We can no longer engage with someone if a relationship has closed or ended.

When we think of closure, we often look for a sense of resolution.  When we achieve closure,
we come to a conclusion, mostly one that we can live with.  Sometimes, closure can relate to something that closes or seals something (we sealed the deal).  It can also mean something important to someone looking for resolution of an emotional or traumatic experience.

In this post, I am referring to a relationship that meant a great deal to me.  Things went awry and dishonesty was a big part of it falling apart. I once read a quote that in paraphrase says, "Trust is like a mirror.  Once it is shattered, you can put the pieces back together, but it will never look the same again."  I tried to work with her and rebuild the trust, but it never felt the same for me.  I have battled back and forth with myself about whether I should close that door or keep it open.  I have recently come to realize that I will not find closure in this situation, so I need to take my own advice that I give to my clients. (This tends to be a difficult thing for spirit workers.)  It is time to stop ripping off the scab and close the door.

It is important for us to learn that we can not depend on the other person to give us what we need to find the closure we are seeking.  We need to remember that by waiting for an answer from that person, waiting for an apology, or wishing they would tell you the all important "why," that we are placing the writing of our story in their hands.  Doing this only stalls our own ability to move past the situation and continue our own growth.

We also need to realize that we must be the ones to close that door.  The other person is certainly not going to do that especially when they give a lot of reasons and excuses about why their behavior is justified.  They also may not see any problem with their actions and can not understand why you are so affected by it.  You deserve better of the people in your
life who care about you and give you actions to back it up.  You should find a way to firmly and completely close that door and not reopen it.  Reopening the door is like ripping off the scab as we talked about earlier.  If necessary, get a hammer and nails and nail that door shut!

Please remember that no one will value you or treat you according to your worth unless you show them how it's done.  A great way to do that is to show people that you will not tolerate people in your life who treat you less than you deserve in any way.  To my own mind, I would rather be alone that be surrounded by people who claim to be my friends, but don't act as a friend would in any way.  We are emotional creatures and we want to feel that we are loved, cared for, and valued.  When you begin to feel that the people in your life are not treating you accordingly, it is time to gather your courage, face their fire bravely and confidently, and move on.  You will be much better for it.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Fluctuation Does Not Equal Stagnation

Several years ago, my family had some chaotic changes in our lives. During the time we were trying to cope with the changes and find our way back to stable ground, I put everything in my life on hold - participating at events, my metaphysical studies, even myspiritual practice. I felt so lost. I put my head down and tried to power through the chaos. This didn't help. By the time we found that stable ground again, I felt so far from where I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It took me quite some time to find a sense of balance. Since that time, I have grown a lot. I have finally found a sense of peace in my spiritual practice since I finally found my direction.

Yet, as life always does, changes have again found us. I began to enter that space where I was putting everything on hold. This time, I felt a deep sense of dissatisfaction with the thought and feeling of completely halting all the things I have begun to find peaceful, comforting, and guiding. This is what brought me to the title of this article 'fluctuation does not equal stagnation.' Just because we are entering another phase of change for us, that does not mean that I can not continue with my practices while we are handling these changes. In fact, my new spiritual practice has become a source of peace and grounding for me. It has also helped me to cope with the challenges of caring for an aging parent in all of this other chaos.

While you may also be facing changes, you too can choose to hold on to the things that bring you peace, comfort, and strength. Sometimes those changes can shake us to our very core. It is at these times especially that we need to remember and maintain the positive practices that have helped us feel grounded. Remembering that change, while unavoidable, is also temporary. You will also find your way back to stable ground. You will appreciate that much more that you have not put everything on hold during the chaos because those important practices are what help get you through.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Can You See The Possibilities?

Spring is a time of renewal. We all look forward to Old man Winter finally laying down for his nap until it is time to wake up again. There is the happy anticipation of tulips, daffodils and crocuses peeking through the thawing soil to lift their faces to the sun. The air is getting warmer and we are ready to put those winter coats in the back of the closet again. 

With the thought of Spring comes possibilities. The possibility of planting that garden this year, of making time to take a vacation be it mini or extended, or the possibility that
this is the time that I will make that bold step on to my path and go! When you look forward at this time of awakening, do you still see the possibilities? Do you see where the next bend in the road could lead you if you have the faith and the courage to do what you feel so deeply inside? Or have you allowed “the crowd,” those naysayers, balloon poppers, and can’t do it collectors to put you where you always seem to be…stuck right here, right now.

The things you are passionate about are the things you are meant to pursue! So if you want to refinish furniture in your garage and take it to a craft fair or flea market and sell it just for the sheer joy of loving to do that, then do it! Oh, but wait, your friend tells you it will never work, no one wants to buy this stuff, and besides you aren’t really that good at it anyway. Sssssssss… hear that? It’s the sound of all the air leaking out of your wonderful balloon idea because you now have this voice in your head making you doubt what you are passionate about. So you sit around and over think every little thing your friend said. Maybe no one does want this stuff. Maybe I really am not good enough to actually sell this stuff even if I did get it done. And you know, she’s right, I’m not good with this kind of stuff anyway. So there you are… stuck. Hey wait, there’s your phone. Oh, it’s that friend texting to see if you want to do something.

Every now and then, we really need to assess the people with whom we have surrounded ourselves. Take a hard and honest look at the relationships in your life. Are you the friend who is always there for them, lifting them up and making them feel better, but when you need someone, they are all too busy? Do you give and give and give with no expectation of anything in return, yet when you have a thought, an idea, a passion, it gets trampled to the dirt? Do you collapse on your couch at the end of the day after doing everything for everyone else and for a moment just wish you had time to do something you want to do? It’s reassessment time.

I know, I know, but how can I possibly NOT be there for them, they need me. Yes, they likely do need you to run their lives because they refuse to take responsibility for their own life. But here’s the kicker, YOU are not responsible for their lives! They are grown people. Yes, we all have some degree of dysfunction in our lives that we are still dealing with from our childhoods or past relationships. However, this does not give any of us a pass to become a person who lays all of their stuff on someone else so we don’t have to deal with it. If your friend has a hard time interacting with people, it is not your job as her friend to take over that portion of her life. She needs to take care of it on her own. None of us like to feel that we are enablers, but sometimes through being raised as a people pleaser and being guilted about HAVING to be the caregiver to people who refuse to take care of themselves, there we sit.

So the message this Spring is to look at making some hard decisions. We all need time for ourselves to do the things we enjoy. That does not always mean we have to do them alone. However, it does mean that we need to really look at all the balloon poppers in our lives and examine what their motivation is to keep us stuck. Perhaps they fear being left behind once you take that step and keep moving forward. Perhaps they feel they will be replaced by someone else if you have interests outside of what you share with them. Whatever their issues are, they are not yours to fix. Are you ready to see the possibilities and embrace them? Or are you happy being stuck? The choice really is yours.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Your Thoughts, Your Life

As the winter months approach, perhaps this is a good time to begin that journey within to discover who you truly are and what you want from life.   Do you want to stay on the hamster wheel of indecision and in action or do you choose to fling open that cage door and embrace your life’s purpose and run with it? Should you encounter rejection, please to not allow it to turn you from your new path.  Instead, use those stones that the misunderstood have thrown at you in judgment or rejection and use them to build your new path.

In order for you to find your way out of that rut, you need to be willing to not only think outside that box, but act outside that box.  For most of us, it is easy to say we will change something.  However, to actually take that first step or put your pinky toe in the water and give it a try takes great courage.  We find ourselves obsessed with whether those closest to us will judge us.  Not only judge us, but judge us unfavorably as weird, crazy or (gasp) not normal.  
How often do you find yourself sitting with your thoughts of “If I could only…,” “When ‘this’ happens, I will…,” or “If only I was as good as ‘this person,’ I would…”?  Yet should one of those scenarios you put up as an obstacle actual clear your path to what you would do, what do you do?  Most likely nothing because in your mind you never thought you would have to face it.  So you return to your idle “if-then” spinning and make more excuses for why you can’t move forward with that thought, idea, ambition.
If you stop and think about it, none of us are normal.  We all have our own unique viewpoints, our own idiosyncrasies, and our own particular habits.  It’s hard to step out from behind the masks that we wear for all the different people in our lives.  We are the wife, the mother, the sister, the best friend, the daughter.  But all those roles lead us little room to let our true selves and true thoughts come to light. 

In order to allow our thoughts to flow freely and to claim the people we know we are inside, we need to take a deep breath and learn to be comfortable with our true selves.  Criticism is never easy, especially criticism of the deep parts of our selves when we choose to share them with others.  However, this growth process will certainly show you who your true friends are and who you may choose to cut out of your life.