Thoughtful Tuesday - Change

 Thoughtful Tuesday ~ Change

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” —Rumi

Change. That word can be emotionally charged, mentally draining, or hopefully optimistic.  Our view of that word depends on our circumstances, background, and where we are in our personal healing journey. Most people desire to effect change, in themselves, in their environments, or in the people around them. I have been guility of the thought that if I can just get through to this person in just the right way, they will "get" what I am trying to show them and change their behavior.  It took me a very long time to learn that not everyone wants to be saved.

What does it mean when not everyone wants to be saved? Most of us have a sense of wanting to help someone whether they are in distress or in a difficult life circumstance. However, there are people who thrive on being in distress or seem to be unable to get

their circumstances together to be able to move past the difficulties they seem to constantly face. We keep trying to get them to understand their own patterns or to guide them to help themselves. Eventually, we get to the point where we just feel like we are banging our heads against a wall because nothing is changing with these people. A lot of the time, we don't recognize their refusal to make even a small positive change to help themselves because we are so busy feeling guilty for our own fortunate circumstances that we just can't abandon these people to their own destructive patterns. 

This is where the 'not everyone wants to be saved' message turned on a huge lightbulb in my head. No matter how much or how hard I try in the myriad of ways to help them "get it," they are just unwilling to take responsibility for their own choices and patterns. This helped me to understand that I am not abandoning them, they are making their own choices and I cannot change that or them.  They have to WANT their circumstances to get better and choose to make the changes themselves. Their world is their responsibility, not my responsibility on any level. This insight helped me to understand that I have nothing to feel guilty about. 

So as Rumi said, I am wise, so I am changing myself. Changing yourself can look like taking a step back in that relationship (romantic, friendship, co-worker) and choosing to put my own mental and emotional well-being first instead of continuing to be that person's captive audience for their daily drama when they refuse to change anything about it. It can look like doing your own internal work on the next step in your own journey through meditation or another practice that helps you find focus and inner peace. It can look like working on disconnecting from and setting boundaries for people and circumstances that disturb your own inner peace. You have the choice. Use it wisely.

Walking Away with Clarity

Sometimes you are placed into the same situation over and over and over.  You feel all the same emotions and begin to take yourself down roads of hope that are nothing but dead ends.  You haven’t figured this out yet.  You keep reaching for that hope with both hands and trying to believe that this time it isn’t just smoke.  Then suddenly, the next time you are thrust into this situation, you start walking that road of hope until the sun breaks through and there is perfect clarity.  I will never belong to this group or these people.  That stung, I have to admit.  However, having the clarity that this is not my place and these are not my people was empowering.  I knew then that I could put them in the rear view mirror and wish them well.  I knew that it was not only okay to walk away, but it was also necessary.

Your soul medicine is not meant for everyone.  You can’t MAKE people heal.  You can’t MAKE people responsible.  You can’t get them to understand you because they can only understand from where they are in their own journey and healing.  Sometimes, they prefer to live the delusion while

trying to keep you tied in to their turmoil.  It is at times like these that we MUST put our own emotional well-being, sanity, and peace before everything and everyone else.  Please do not let whatever guilt you may have from being raised a people pleaser or continually striving to save people allow you to put your fingers in your ears and ignore this important message.  The message IS important because you have been experiencing it time and time again.  Let this be the time that you embrace it!

Choose whatever cliché or mantra suits you… It is time to cut the cords that tie you to people who continually treat you poorly.  Remember – what you allow is what will continue.  It is time to burn the bridge so the crazies don’t follow you.  Well, I am proudly a crazy person.  However, my craziness does not extend to trying to destroy other people and their lives.  These people need to stay on the bridge while it burns or on the other side of the gully.  And once that bridge is burned, please do not toss a rope to those on the other side because the pattern will just continue.  When God closes a door, he opens a window.  Well, sometimes we need to nail that door shut to keep us from opening it back up and perpetuating these patterns that are so damaging to our minds, hearts, and souls.  We can CHOOSE to walk away!

In a recent healing circle, my Reiki Master reminded us that we already have what we need inside of us to succeed!  We have the tools, the knowledge, and the courage to take that step off the well-worn road and take a path not traveled.  We need to REMEMBER that we are brave, that we are strong, that we are permitted to have a life that does not revolve around taking care of everyone else.  Most importantly, we have the ability to choose to walk away from those dead-end roads that are not filled with hope and promise, but instead lead to unkempt lanes filled with tangled relationships, half-hearted attempts, and let downs.  Ultimately, we are the map makers of our lives.  We may choose to travel alone, but that does not mean we must be lonely.  Others may join us on our path from time to time.  Some may travel with us for a lifetime.  However, your path and your choices are yours and yours only.  So look up into that dazzling sun, kick the dust from your shoes, and choose your next adventure!