You Don’t Measure Up. Who Cares?!?!

Pretty much since birth we have all been measured – length, weight, and where we place on the national average.  We didn’t have control over that.  Nor did we have control over all the
other measurements that happened in our childhood; our boy is smarter than little Johnny; our little girl is more creative than little Suzy; our boy needs to study harder because his grades are lower than the other 5% of the class…. And on and on and on.  This has instilled in us an unhealthy way of viewing ourselves and our own progress.  No matter what we are doing, we are constantly measuring ourselves against everyone else.  My co-worker is such a kiss up, that’s why they get more raises than I do.  I can’t believe I am this slow/low on my spiritual path.  Look at Mary, she is a Reiki Master and charges more than I could imagine for her services.  Look at James, he has 4,000 likes and 2k followers on his social media.  Why can’t I get that many?  Then starts the internal dialogue about how you are not good enough and can’t get anything right.  It’s exhausting!

This habit is best described by Pastor Steve Furtick, who once said, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”  I know I struggled with this habit when I first began to pursue development of my Psychic Medium abilities.  I know I didn’t have all the answers, so I found a group where I hoped I could learn and grow.  Yet within my first few meetings with the group, I began to feel very poorly about myself and my abilities.  I would look around at all the people who could give messages seemingly effortlessly, could speak coherently about Spirit and explain concepts to people who had questions and I would feel so inferior.  The internal dialogue ran along the lines of, “Who do I think I’m kidding? I could never do that.  Why do I think I could ever understand those ideas and be able to explain them?” and on and on.  I was tripping my own self up before I gave myself a chance to learn. 

Over the next ten years, I had many varying experiences with a lot of different people.  I learned and grew.  However, I also had pit falls, negative experiences, and a lot of self-doubt. The most important lessons I learned were on my own without anyone’s assistance, guidance, or teaching.  I had to learn to really listen to myself.  Having grown up a people-pleaser who was so used to putting other people first, I had to learn how to stop that behavior for my own peace and well-being.  One huge realization I came to was that I had no right to feel bad about myself by comparing myself to other people.  I do not know their background or their journey, nor have I been doing this type of work for as long as they have.  It really was okay to keep working on myself and my own path at my own pace.  I don’t need to prove anything to anyone other than myself.    I may not be as good as someone else, but I am better than the person I used to be having learned more and grown more personally.

While I do catch myself occasionally being self-critical of where I may be on my own journey because I have compared myself to someone else, I always remind myself that I shouldn’t compare my behind the scenes to their highlight reel.  Afterall, I don’t know what has gone on with them.  For all I know, they may be putting their best face forward at an event or to the world while their behind the scenes is complicated, just like mine is. So the best we can do for ourselves is to be kind to ourselves by being mindful that our path is our path alone and no one may walk it for us.  The best we can do for others is to not judge the proverbial book by its cover.  You never know what their rough draft looks like or how much of them it took to get it out in the public. 

Walking Away with Clarity

Sometimes you are placed into the same situation over and over and over.  You feel all the same emotions and begin to take yourself down roads of hope that are nothing but dead ends.  You haven’t figured this out yet.  You keep reaching for that hope with both hands and trying to believe that this time it isn’t just smoke.  Then suddenly, the next time you are thrust into this situation, you start walking that road of hope until the sun breaks through and there is perfect clarity.  I will never belong to this group or these people.  That stung, I have to admit.  However, having the clarity that this is not my place and these are not my people was empowering.  I knew then that I could put them in the rear view mirror and wish them well.  I knew that it was not only okay to walk away, but it was also necessary.

Your soul medicine is not meant for everyone.  You can’t MAKE people heal.  You can’t MAKE people responsible.  You can’t get them to understand you because they can only understand from where they are in their own journey and healing.  Sometimes, they prefer to live the delusion while

trying to keep you tied in to their turmoil.  It is at times like these that we MUST put our own emotional well-being, sanity, and peace before everything and everyone else.  Please do not let whatever guilt you may have from being raised a people pleaser or continually striving to save people allow you to put your fingers in your ears and ignore this important message.  The message IS important because you have been experiencing it time and time again.  Let this be the time that you embrace it!

Choose whatever cliché or mantra suits you… It is time to cut the cords that tie you to people who continually treat you poorly.  Remember – what you allow is what will continue.  It is time to burn the bridge so the crazies don’t follow you.  Well, I am proudly a crazy person.  However, my craziness does not extend to trying to destroy other people and their lives.  These people need to stay on the bridge while it burns or on the other side of the gully.  And once that bridge is burned, please do not toss a rope to those on the other side because the pattern will just continue.  When God closes a door, he opens a window.  Well, sometimes we need to nail that door shut to keep us from opening it back up and perpetuating these patterns that are so damaging to our minds, hearts, and souls.  We can CHOOSE to walk away!

In a recent healing circle, my Reiki Master reminded us that we already have what we need inside of us to succeed!  We have the tools, the knowledge, and the courage to take that step off the well-worn road and take a path not traveled.  We need to REMEMBER that we are brave, that we are strong, that we are permitted to have a life that does not revolve around taking care of everyone else.  Most importantly, we have the ability to choose to walk away from those dead-end roads that are not filled with hope and promise, but instead lead to unkempt lanes filled with tangled relationships, half-hearted attempts, and let downs.  Ultimately, we are the map makers of our lives.  We may choose to travel alone, but that does not mean we must be lonely.  Others may join us on our path from time to time.  Some may travel with us for a lifetime.  However, your path and your choices are yours and yours only.  So look up into that dazzling sun, kick the dust from your shoes, and choose your next adventure!