Encouraging Words

I know we all have struggles – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.   During these struggles some of us are lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and loved ones who want to help us.  These well meaning folks may have gone through something similar to what we are going through now.  I can attest that at times in my life when I was struggling with healing or growth I had some great people around who would tell me ‘I know you can do it.’  I understand that they meant well and that they were trying to cheer me on.  They may have been able to see strength and courage where all I felt was broken and lost.  I don’t begrudge them their words or their sentiment.  I’d like to talk about some words that I find more empowering. 

More recently I was struggling with growth…again.  I was talking with a new friend and describing how distraught I was, how sure I was that I was going to fail and how frustrated I was with myself.  She looked me in the eye and said, ‘You will get through this. I believe in you.’  I felt lifted in a way I never had before.  Those words, I believe in you, changed something inside me.  For the first time I didn’t feel that I was expected to already have the answer and I just needed to admit it and move on.  For the first time, there was room to discover the answer myself in whatever way I needed to find it.  I could breathe!  I didn’t feel suffocated with expectation. 

Now, when a friend or loved one is struggling and they bless me with being a listener and a helper on their path I pause.  I try to check my automatic response that “I know.”  While I truly may understand how they are feeling or what they are going through I don’t really “know.”  I don’t know their personal history completely.  I don’t know what their self talk is.  Do they find it hard to not think that they only mess things up?  Do they feel their life is ruined?  I strive to help them change their negatives to positives.  Most of all, I tell them that I believe in them!  I believe they can stop negative self talk.  I believe they will find the answer to their struggle when they are ready to embrace change.  I believe they are a bright and beautiful soul and their light shines despite their struggles!

A Blessed and Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year My Beloved Friends!!

As this brand new year dawns I am full of gratitude and awe!  We have 365 new days to make a change, make a statement, make a difference!  In contemplating this new year I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life.  I have met and become cherished friends with such wonderful teachers, guides and mentors.  Thank you all for being such blessings in my life!

I am looking forward to the opportunities and lessons this year will bring.  Each day we have the chance to make a change.  It doesn’t have to be an earth shattering change, it can be as simple as choosing to turn a negative into a positive.  Most of us have been programmed to think the worst of ourselves and our situations.  Making a choice to change a negative thought into a positive one can seem like a small step.  When we make this choice every day, we can radically change our lives.  We begin to look at the world in a more positive way. 

I feel another valuable change we can make is to push ourselves out of our comfort zones.  Again, this doesn’t have to be a radical push.  We grow by stretching ourselves beyond our usual areas of comfort.  If we have been able to take a class or study something on our own, why not share your knowledge with others?  Don’t think you are a teacher?  You may surprise yourself.  You don’t have to share your knowledge with 500 people.  Try sharing your knowledge with 3 people or 5 people.  Don’t think you are ready for that?  Try sharing your knowledge with one person.  Whether it’s one person or 100 people doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you are stretching beyond your comfort zone.  You may not think you can swim in the vast ocean of those who have more experience than you do.  However, beginning to take the plunge starts with putting a toe in the water.  Go ahead and put your toe in.  It may be easier than you think!

So as this new year begins, I encourage you to challenge yourself!  Learn something new, share something that you know with someone else, and continue to grow!  You may surprise yourself with your courage and strength!

The Quicksand Plan

 

“You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.”  This quote from the movie The Replacements plays out in our own lives sometimes over and over.  You move along doing your day to day things until you get a flat tire.  Okay, breathe, get the tire fixed and move on.  Then you find out at work the next day your supervisor criticizes everything you have done for the past month even after you asked for feedback at the time.  Finally, your toddler spikes a fever and you need to stay home with them for the next two days and try to get in for a pediatrician appointment.  Overwhelmed?  I am and this isn’t even my life!!

So what do you do while you are desperately clinging to the end of your rope and trying to tie a knot in it so you can hang on?  First, you need to bring your awareness to your body.  Is your heart beating rapidly?  Do your muscles feel tense?  Do you feel as if you are going to cry?  After assessing what your systems reactions are to this over load you will be in a better position to find remedies and coping mechanisms.  Begin by finding a place where you can take some time to bring yourself back to balance.  Sit comfortably and bring your attention to your breathing.  As you begin to take slow, deep breaths, remember to allow your stomach to expand with each inhale and relax with each exhale.  In your mind’s eye, picture a place that brings calm, a beach, a mountaintop, a forest, or your favorite

vacation spot.  Hear the sound of the ocean, the cry of an eagle, the rustle of leaves, or any sound that takes you to your favorite space.  Smell the things that take you to your favorite space as well.  Allow your mind to drift on the calmness of this space.  Allow yourself to release the stressors that have overwhelmed you in the past hours, days, or weeks.  Notice that your heartbeat has slowed to a relaxed state, your muscles have released any tension and are also relaxed, you feel balanced and refreshed. Know that you can return to this space of relaxation whenever you need to do so.  

So many of us make excuses that we have no time for ourselves that we continue on the insane treadmill of life without thought as to how to manage the stress and tension that overwhelm us.  It is only when we come to a crashing halt through an illness or accident that we could have avoided had we not been in such a hurry that we are forced by the universe to take a break.  Most times we are frustrated with this state of inaction because we’re busy and need to get back to life.  We neglect to take advantage of this valuable time that has been given to us to examine ways in which to slow down; ways in which we can create new habits and patterns in our lives for when reality is again upon us and our schedules take over.  I would like to encourage you to seize this time to make those changes and do some self exploration.  Reconnect with yourself.  Rediscover your passions, dreams and perhaps even some hobbies that you enjoy but don’t make time for anymore.  So perhaps when you come out of this period of stasis, you will be better equipped to handle the overwhelming times in your life and avoid the quicksand.

Shine Your Light

In the past week I have been reminded by a very dear friend that the people and things in the past no longer have a place in my present.  These people and situations are in the past for a reason and giving them energy and focus only takes away from my plans and focus for the future.  She asked that I look around at the people around me and what I have achieved because that is what is important.  In taking her advice I have come to realize just how blessed I am.  I have some incredibly wonderful people in my life who have also stepped forward to pick me up, dust me off, and shine their light into the darkness to help me find my way back. 

With a grateful heart I thank them for helping me to remember that I have come a long way on this path.  With a humble heart I thank them for their faith in me and showing me that I am making a difference even if I lose sight of that at times.  With a joyful heart I rejoice with them for showing me that I am not alone on this journey any longer.  One of my favorite quotes is “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz  These incredible people have done that for me.  They have gently helped me realize that I am being too hard on myself and that I deserve better. 

While we may feel that we are each alone on our life’s journeys, I’d like to ask you to take some time to sit and reflect on where you were six months ago, one year ago, five years ago.  At those times in your life did you ever think you would be where you are right now?  Have you discovered assistance, inspiration or support in places you never imagined?  I’d like to encourage you to take a moment to reflect on these amazing people and what they mean to you.  If you can, thank them for their support or tell them how they inspired you.  Most of us would be very surprised about how we have impacted the lives of those around us.   After all you may feel you are just one person in the world, but to one person you may BE the world. 

I Breathe In....I Breathe Out

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take 

between two deep breaths. ~ Etty Hillesum

On a day to day basis most of us don’t even notice our breathing unless it is interrupted by a medical condition that makes it difficult, a fall that may knock our breath out of us, or an emotional reaction that leaves us breathless.  As adults, we have learned to hold in our stomachs and our diaphragms.  We breathe through our chests unconsciously and this type of breathing is not relaxing or stress reducing.  As adults, we need to relearn how to relax.  In daily life, when stress mounts and we start to feel out of control someone who is trying to be helpful will tell us “take a deep breath.”  I usually like to add “and remember to exhale” because sometimes, we take that deep breath and then unconsciously hold it until the crisis passes.

If you have ever watched an infant sleep, you won’t see their chests rise.  When an infant sleeps they are completely relaxed and their stomachs rise with each breath, not their chests.  Infants have not yet learned about stress or vanity or tension.  They just know that in this place and time, they are fed, dry, warm, secure and content.  It is important for adults to learn to reclaim the breathing the way an infant does.  Reclaiming this deep, relaxing breathing will assist with stress reduction which will help improve your overall health.

Let’s practice some abdominal breathing because even a few moments of abdominal breathing can bring quick relief of stress and tension.  First, sit comfortably with your back straight.  Put one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest.  Take a deep breath in through your nose and allow your stomach to expand out as you do so.  In this manner, the hand on your stomach should rise and the hand on your chest should move very little.  Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth.  Slowly push out as much air as possible while allowing your stomach muscles to relax until all the air is gone.  Repeat this process slowly to remain relaxed and avoid becoming dizzy.  You can practice this technique any time you need to find that relaxation.  You can do this in your car while at a red light, in the restroom at work, or sitting in the bleachers at your child’s sports event.  The great thing about this technique is that you don’t need a dark room and certain music to practice.  No one needs to know what you are doing while you practice.  

                                                                                                         

In the hectic pace of every day life, this technique can help you focus better on your tasks and feel a little less frazzled with all the running around you do every day.  It also allows you to put yourself first if even for just a few moments a few times a day.  Remember, you can always find your center by finding a place to practice a little deep breathing. 

The Journey

This morning on the way to work I was thinking about my journey.  Years ago when I started on my path to develop my abilities to help others I never dreamed I would be where I am today.  I have had some trials and tribulations along the way.  We all do on our journeys.  For me, I never thought I would have the strength or the support to find my way through those rough patches and into the amazing light I find myself in now. 

When you feel you are ready to step on to your path with an open heart and a willingness to follow where it leads be mindful.  You may come across some obstacles.  They could be puddles you need to work around, voices from the forest around you telling you that you are wrong or unaccepted, or ruts that are tempting you to stay where you are and venture no further.  Stepping on to your own path and away from what may be considered socially acceptable is hard.  Please remember that you need to focus on your guidance and follow it.  Your path is yours alone and no one can walk it for you.  You may feel that you have been nudged toward your path for years and you have finally decided that you can not ignore it any longer.  Courage, strength and perserverance are what is needed to follow where you know the universe is leading. 

Even though I began my journey and thought I was ready, I did step off my path and take a break.  I had pitched my tent on the side of the road and refused to go any further.  I beat myself up about this for some time.  I then realized that I needed that break.  I wasn't fully ready to continue at the time and place I was when I stepped off.  I needed to reassess where my energies could be spent and what I was able to handle in the real world and in my spiritual journey.  It is okay to take a break.  You do not need to bulldoze into your spiritual journey.  Besides, you can't force yourself to develop any faster than you are truly ready to handle.  So while you may be in a place right now where you have pitched your tent give yourself a break.  You know inside what you can handle.  Maybe you have a lot of real life things to handle right now and they are taking all your attention and energy.  The universe understands.  Your journey will be waiting when you are ready to pull up stakes and focus again on where your path is leading.