Thoughtful Tuesday - Change

 Thoughtful Tuesday ~ Change

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” —Rumi

Change. That word can be emotionally charged, mentally draining, or hopefully optimistic.  Our view of that word depends on our circumstances, background, and where we are in our personal healing journey. Most people desire to effect change, in themselves, in their environments, or in the people around them. I have been guility of the thought that if I can just get through to this person in just the right way, they will "get" what I am trying to show them and change their behavior.  It took me a very long time to learn that not everyone wants to be saved.

What does it mean when not everyone wants to be saved? Most of us have a sense of wanting to help someone whether they are in distress or in a difficult life circumstance. However, there are people who thrive on being in distress or seem to be unable to get

their circumstances together to be able to move past the difficulties they seem to constantly face. We keep trying to get them to understand their own patterns or to guide them to help themselves. Eventually, we get to the point where we just feel like we are banging our heads against a wall because nothing is changing with these people. A lot of the time, we don't recognize their refusal to make even a small positive change to help themselves because we are so busy feeling guilty for our own fortunate circumstances that we just can't abandon these people to their own destructive patterns. 

This is where the 'not everyone wants to be saved' message turned on a huge lightbulb in my head. No matter how much or how hard I try in the myriad of ways to help them "get it," they are just unwilling to take responsibility for their own choices and patterns. This helped me to understand that I am not abandoning them, they are making their own choices and I cannot change that or them.  They have to WANT their circumstances to get better and choose to make the changes themselves. Their world is their responsibility, not my responsibility on any level. This insight helped me to understand that I have nothing to feel guilty about. 

So as Rumi said, I am wise, so I am changing myself. Changing yourself can look like taking a step back in that relationship (romantic, friendship, co-worker) and choosing to put my own mental and emotional well-being first instead of continuing to be that person's captive audience for their daily drama when they refuse to change anything about it. It can look like doing your own internal work on the next step in your own journey through meditation or another practice that helps you find focus and inner peace. It can look like working on disconnecting from and setting boundaries for people and circumstances that disturb your own inner peace. You have the choice. Use it wisely.

Thoughtful Tuesday - Abundance

Each Tuesday, I will be providing a thoughtful quote for us to ponder. 

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“The secret of abundance is to stop focusing on what you do not have, and shift your consciousness to an appreciation for all that you are and that you do have.”  –  Wayne Dyer

When we focus on what we don't have, we unintentionally create a poverty mindset. The more we dwell on what we don't have or what we wish we had, the longer we stay in this sense to not having enough. Sometimes, this sense of lacking comes from our circumstances growing up. We may not have had enough to eat, enough heat to be warm, enough love since our parents worked so much. We tend to carry these thoughts

and feelings of not enough into our adult lives.  Even if we have managed to overcome how we grew up, got good jobs with ample pay including some to put away, we may still be in the mindset that we have to be frugal just in case. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you go out and spend all your savings and live it up.  I am saying that in order to be able to bring abundance into our lives, we must be willing to focus appreciating what we do have. 

Each day, give thanks for one thing you are grateful for in your life. They don't have to be humongous things; they can be small things. Some days, you may not feel like giving thanks because the cat threw up last night and you stepped in it right after you woke up. Yet in order to begin to find that attitude of gratitude, we should give thanks for at least one thing every day. Today, I am thankful that I have a job that allows me to pay all of my bills on time. Today, I am thankful that I have running water to shower, wash clothes, and make coffee.  Today, I am thankful that my child loves me and reminds me of the joy of little things. Making a habit of being thankful takes you from the povery mindset to the appreciation mindset. You may not have everything you want, but you have everything you need for today. 

New Year, New You, New Point of View

How many times have we made this solemn promise? This year... fill in the new habit we will embrace, the old, limiting thoughts we will finally let go, the new fad/challenge/gimmick we will master.  I don't know about you, but it gets exhausting! Then there is the inevitable deflation of our well thought reserves when we eventually, through intentional or unintentional means, abandon this year's shiny new goal for ordinary existence.  Maybe we didn't have time to commit to such a lofty goal and we will try again next year.  Maybe life just happened, and we forgot all about it in the day-to-day management of work, family, life. Oh well, there is always next year.  We subject ourselves to this year in and year out.  I have personally come to realize that starting a brand new year with another failed attempt is just ridiculous. I don't want my New Year to start of with feelings of failure and rejection. 

So, this year, my goal is set kinder, gentler plans for myself.  A resolution, when broken or forgotten, feels like a heavy loss. It points a finger at us and says 'you didn't have the wherewithal to see this through. So, my

new philosophy of plans gives me some flexibility. I can set them down for a time and pick up where I left off.  I can change them if I find that my original design is lacking or has changed with the execution. Plans give me breathing room instead of suffocating rigidness. So, with my new philosophy, I set out to determine what plans I need and more importantly want in my world at present keeping in mind that they should have flexibility. 

One of my favorite sayings is, "You can't pour from and empty vessel." It took me a long time to actually put this into practice.  Up until several years ago, I was so invested in 'my hustle' that I didn't know what a weekend off looked like.  I have a full-time job and do various events on the weekends to help people. I booked every show on every weekend I possibly could, until I had a complete meltdown.  I pushed, hammered, and shoved so hard that eventually my mental health had to pull the

proverbial fire alarm to get me to sit down and listen.  I never even noticed that I had no energy and no focus.  I just kept pushing. Part of that is due to how I grew up. There was never time for myself, and certainly no time to put myself first, so I never learned how to listen to my own body and mind queues that something was about to give, and it would probably be me. Once I forced myself to slow down to recover from this (and it was a struggle), I learned a valuable lesson.  I MUST take time off EVERY month for my own health and well-being.  What that time off looks like can vary, it can be staying home with my hubby and playing games, it can be going to nature to rest and rejuvenate, it can be going to a concert.  It is whatever I need my time to be to best take care of myself.  There are a lot of sayings out there about self-care being a priority and you have to put yourself first. Those are pretty words to someone who never learned how and especially to someone who can't say no to other people.  Yet, for our own well-being, we MUST be our own strong advocates because no one else can do it for us. NO ONE.

Practice an Attitude of Gratitude. I know we have all been around negative people at one time or another.  Some of us may even share a workspace with negative people. For these folks, nothing can ever be right. Their daily rants range from the bus was late, my coffee order is wrong, my phone won't stop raining, why are our clients so needy, etc., etc., etc. One thing we can all likely agree on is that we don't enjoy being around these people whether for short or long durations. They can bring

our moods down in seconds flat. I once had a mentor tell me that what you think and what you say are what you create in the universe.  This serves as a reminder to be mindful of what you are thinking and saying because the Universe is always listening and is ready to give you more of what you think and say. For example, should your thoughts and words revolve around constantly being tired of being broke, the Universe will give you more of being broke. If your thoughts and words revolve around being lonely, the Universe will give you more loneliness. We are the creators of our reality, if we want to change our situation, we must change our narrative. Instead of being broke, perhaps we can change the narrative to, "I am financially stable and have all I need to pay my bills with some leftover for fun." Instead of being lonely, perhaps we can change our narrative to, "I attract likeminded, compassionate people into my life." See the difference? Psychology Today tells us, " Cultivating gratitude is about the simple act of focusing daily on what you’re grateful for, which can have a tremendously positive psychological impact." We can use this practice to say something like, I may have missed the bus, but at least the sun is shining. The whole concept is about turning the negative into positive. This will take practice, but once you catch yourself in a negative mindset and intentionally change it to positive, it will become habit and every day will begin to improve. 

Starting the New Year with one or more new plans can give us something to look forward to during the year. Should you need to set your plans down for a bit because there is just too much going on, give yourself a visual reminder of them. Even if you can't practice them or work on them, you can give them at least a thought during the day to keep it in your mind that you want to get back to them. Print up a sign with your plans and some phrases to help keep them with you. Write them on your bathroom mirror so you can see them every day. Set an alarm on your phone with a reminder every day to keep them with you. When you are ready, pick them back up and give them some dedicated time to remember where you are with your plans and what you want to do next. Having to step away from your plans does not make you a failure, so please don't put that thought in your head. This is a form of self-care where other things are at the forefront, but your plans will be your focus once you get through this current rough patch.  Guilt has no part to play here either. Some of us were raised to feel guilty for putting things we want to do first. We must be the ones to take back our power and proclaim that WE are what is important right here, right now and no one gets to tell us otherwise.