Word Meanings ~ Closed vs. Closure

When we think of something being closed, we often feel a sense of loss.  Something that is closed, by simple definition is no longer open.  We no longer have access to a closed room. We no longer feel fresh air if a window is closed.  We can no longer engage with someone if a relationship has closed or ended.

When we think of closure, we often look for a sense of resolution.  When we achieve closure,
we come to a conclusion, mostly one that we can live with.  Sometimes, closure can relate to something that closes or seals something (we sealed the deal).  It can also mean something important to someone looking for resolution of an emotional or traumatic experience.

In this post, I am referring to a relationship that meant a great deal to me.  Things went awry and dishonesty was a big part of it falling apart. I once read a quote that in paraphrase says, "Trust is like a mirror.  Once it is shattered, you can put the pieces back together, but it will never look the same again."  I tried to work with her and rebuild the trust, but it never felt the same for me.  I have battled back and forth with myself about whether I should close that door or keep it open.  I have recently come to realize that I will not find closure in this situation, so I need to take my own advice that I give to my clients. (This tends to be a difficult thing for spirit workers.)  It is time to stop ripping off the scab and close the door.

It is important for us to learn that we can not depend on the other person to give us what we need to find the closure we are seeking.  We need to remember that by waiting for an answer from that person, waiting for an apology, or wishing they would tell you the all important "why," that we are placing the writing of our story in their hands.  Doing this only stalls our own ability to move past the situation and continue our own growth.

We also need to realize that we must be the ones to close that door.  The other person is certainly not going to do that especially when they give a lot of reasons and excuses about why their behavior is justified.  They also may not see any problem with their actions and can not understand why you are so affected by it.  You deserve better of the people in your

life who care about you and give you actions to back it up.  You should find a way to firmly and completely close that door and not reopen it.  Reopening the door is like ripping off the scab as we talked about earlier.  If necessary, get a hammer and nails and nail that door shut!

Please remember that no one will value you or treat you according to your worth unless you show them how it's done.  A great way to do that is to show people that you will not tolerate people in your life who treat you less than you deserve in any way.  To my own mind, I would rather be alone that be surrounded by people who claim to be my friends, but don't act as a friend would in any way.  We are emotional creatures and we want to feel that we are loved, cared for, and valued.  When you begin to feel that the people in your life are not treating you accordingly, it is time to gather your courage, face their fire bravely and confidently, and move on.  You will be much better for it.

Fluctuation Does Not Equal Stagnation

Several years ago, my family had some chaotic changes in our lives. During the time we were trying to cope with the changes and find our way back to stable ground, I put everything in my life on hold - participating at events, my metaphysical studies, even myspiritual practice. I felt so lost. I put my head down and tried to power through the chaos. This didn't help. By the time we found that stable ground again, I felt so far from where I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It took me quite some time to find a sense of balance. Since that time, I have grown a lot. I have finally found a sense of peace in my spiritual practice since I finally found my direction.

Yet, as life always does, changes have again found us. I began to enter that space where I was putting everything on hold. This time, I felt a deep sense of dissatisfaction with the thought and feeling of completely halting all the things I have begun to find peaceful, comforting, and guiding. This is what brought me to the title of this article 'fluctuation does not equal stagnation.' Just because we are entering another phase of change for us, that does not mean that I can not continue with my practices while we are handling these changes. In fact, my new spiritual practice has become a source of peace and grounding for me. It has also helped me to cope with the challenges of caring for an aging parent in all of this other chaos.

While you may also be facing changes, you too can choose to hold on to the things that bring you peace, comfort, and strength. Sometimes those changes can shake us to our very core. It is at these times especially that we need to remember and maintain the positive practices that have helped us feel grounded. Remembering that change, while unavoidable, is also temporary. You will also find your way back to stable ground. You will appreciate that much more that you have not put everything on hold during the chaos because those important practices are what help get you through.